Although the needs of children change as they grow, the commitment of parents to keep their children safe and healthy does not. Parents are engaged in the daily routines of their children. Parents do their best to keep their child healthy and safe whether their child is learning to walk or learning to drive a car.
Most parents have a ‘life commitment’ to our children. But for parents of children with disabilities, its often a “commitment for life.” The “commitment for life” is accompanied by the fact that although children grow up and become adults, many adult children with disabilities do not move out of the home and live as independent adults. They may not be able to care for themselves, manage their time, medications, doctor visits, money or social interactions without supervision. For many parents, planning ahead for the needs of children can be stressful and overwhelming. Elderly parents of adult children with disabilities, often have a unique set of difficulties and challenges.
Elderly parents who have retired no longer have a professional activity and may be more isolated. Depending on the needs of their adult children, elderly parents may continue full-time parents roles such as bathing, shaving, and dressing their children. They may continue to cook meals, change tube feeds, prepare special diets, grocery shop, and in addition, continue to manage everyday chores such as laundry, house cleaning, and yard work. Research on this topic identifies that mothers seem more isolated than fathers. In current studies, fathers reported taking more breaks than mothers from caring for their adult children and from household duties. They often leave the home, go play cards with friends or read the newspaper at the local coffee shop. (Martins & Couto, 2014).
Elderly parents identify THREE main areas where they need the most help with their adult children.
Elderly parents who have retired no longer have a professional activity and may be more isolated. Depending on the needs of their adult children, elderly parents may continue full-time parents roles such as bathing, shaving, and dressing their children. They may continue to cook meals, change tube feeds, prepare special diets, grocery shop, and in addition, continue to manage everyday chores such as laundry, house cleaning, and yard work. Research on this topic identifies that mothers seem more isolated than fathers. In current studies, fathers reported taking more breaks than mothers from caring for their adult children and from household duties. They often leave the home, go play cards with friends or read the newspaper at the local coffee shop. (Martins & Couto, 2014).
Elderly parents identify THREE main areas where they need the most help with their adult children.
- Self-Care
- Transportation
- Outside Guidance
Self-Care
Elderly parents report difficulty with tasks such as physically lifting or turning their adult child. For obvious reasons, it is difficult to lift or turn an adult who weighs as much or more than the parent. Even if the child does not need lifted, bending down to tie shoes or fasten buttons is difficult for many elderly parents who may have arthritis issues in their knees, hips, or back.
Transportation
Transportation is also reported as difficult. Many elderly adults do not drive long distances or drive at night, if they drive at all. Transportation to doctor and therapy appointments as well as leisure family activities is often limited for the adult with special needs.
Elderly parents report difficulty with tasks such as physically lifting or turning their adult child. For obvious reasons, it is difficult to lift or turn an adult who weighs as much or more than the parent. Even if the child does not need lifted, bending down to tie shoes or fasten buttons is difficult for many elderly parents who may have arthritis issues in their knees, hips, or back.
Transportation
Transportation is also reported as difficult. Many elderly adults do not drive long distances or drive at night, if they drive at all. Transportation to doctor and therapy appointments as well as leisure family activities is often limited for the adult with special needs.
Outside Guidance
Outside guidance for their adult children is frequently needed to encourage their grown children to try new activities, expand their interests and communicate with people outside of their immediate family. Elderly parents report that their adult children become very comfortable with the daily routine at home and need outside guidance to motivate them to expand their activities and interests outside of this routine.
So, what can elderly parents of adult children with special needs do? The following 6 ideas may help:
Outside guidance for their adult children is frequently needed to encourage their grown children to try new activities, expand their interests and communicate with people outside of their immediate family. Elderly parents report that their adult children become very comfortable with the daily routine at home and need outside guidance to motivate them to expand their activities and interests outside of this routine.
So, what can elderly parents of adult children with special needs do? The following 6 ideas may help:
- Contact local community and recreation centers to inquire about groups, activities, and social events appropriate for your adult child. Knowing where and what activities are available in the community is the first step to meeting the right people.
- When your adult child attends a group, activity or social event, go with them and introduce yourself to other parents who also have adult children with disabilities. Learn about available resources, facilities, and events from other parents. Develop a list of and activities and people who match your interests.
- Invite extended family members, neighbors and friends to come along with you to activities, plays and community events. By participating, family and friends will develop a better understanding of you and your situation. You can also spend more time with people whose company you enjoy.
- Contact agencies in your community who specialize with disability resources. Many times, our children are involved with county resources when they are young, but for many reasons, contact county agencies taper off as they get older. Re-contact these agencies and ask about resources available for older adults.
- Contact city resources about transportation options. What types of transportation does the city offer to seniors or people with disabilities?
- Contact the Center for Parent Information and Resources. This resource provides information for every state in the United States for adults with disabilities.
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