Archives for July 2016

In a word, YES.  Social media bullying (or cyberbullying) is found to be associated with an increase of suicidal attempts and successful suicides of teens and young adults who are a targets of cyberbullying.   Many studies confirm this. 

A study conducted in Quebec Canada followed 1,168 children, born between 1997 and 1998, and interviewed each about social media experiences.  They found that teens, who have experienced “significant” cyberbullying by the age of 13, are 5.4 to 6.8 percent more likely to attempt suicide two years later at the age of 15 (Geoffroy, et al. 2016).  This is devastating.  And it does not stop at age 15. Just last week, an 18-year-old committed suicide in response to cyberbullying.  She was a senior named Brandy Vela who attended the Texas City Independent School District.

Brandy’s family reports that she was relentlessly bullied about her weight.  Her sister Jackie is quoted saying, “People would make up fake Facebook accounts and they would message her and she wouldn’t respond and they would still come at her”.  The perpetrators used an untraceable app.  Although the cyberbullying was reported to the police and school several times, law enforcement and school officials were not able to help.  Brandy’s dad says the bullies created fake social media profiles of Brandy that offered illicit activities from her and used Brandy’s actual phone number so she would receive random calls about the post. Even though the school was notified just before Thanksgiving break (2016), it was all too much. 

Brandy somehow made up her mind to end the bullying by ending her life.  Even though family members were at home with Brandy, begging her not to pull the trigger, she did.  

So I ask……..

What can be done to stop cyberbullying such as making up fake accounts that harass, mock and ruin reputations? 

What is the “real” punishment for those who are caught?  AND…

Can anything be done to help people understand and care about the consequences of their decisions to relentlessly bully others like this?    

Geoffroy, et. Al (2016). Associations between peer victimization and suicidal ideation and suicide attempt during adolescence: results from a prospective population-based birth cohort, Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 55, 22-105.

Ramiraz, P. (2016), Texas teen Brady Vela commits suicide as family looks on after being relentlessly cyperbullied (Video), Inquisitr.

People complain about having difficulty getting a past “bad” relationship out of their mind.  Even after a “clean break” where there are no shared obligations related to money, property or children, it is not easy.  Seeing or thinking of an X partner bring about feelings of anger, frustration and feeling upset for most of the day.  

Complaints often sounds like this:

“How can I get this “manipulative, deceitful, self-serving and money hungry” woman/man I dated off my mind?  Everywhere I go she/he is either there or someone knows her/him… I don’t know why I keep feeling annoyed when she/he shows up… or when the thought of her/him shows up.   I already can’t stand her/him and when this happens, I can’t stand her/him even more.”

The best eraser is called REFRAMING.  Reframing is a skill that allows us to re-think a situation and view it differently.  The facts about the past situation will never change, but what can change is how you view the situation, thus erasing the bad memory (so to speak).  Putting a new frame around the situation is to change your view of it and see the past differently. By doing this, the old way of viewing the situation is erased and the “new way to frame it” takes its place. 

Instead of feeling angry and agitated about a past relationship or experience, use it to your advantage.   

Learn from it.  After all that, YOU ARE THE EXPERT on “what not to do.  Think about the following questions:

When in a relationship….

1. What were your gut feelings about the relationship? 
2. What was your “first 2 month impression” of this person?
3. What behaviors (good and bad) did you see over and over again?
4. Did you pay more attention to what they SAID or DID?
5. How do they treat others? (waitress, staff, store clerks, pets)
6. What were the RED FLAGS? and
7. What did your friends say about them?

As you answer the questions above, make a “Note-to-Self” and save the notes for next time.  By reframing a negative experience into a valuable learning experience, you (in part) erase the bad and replace it with a positive lesson for the future.  No one can change the past, but we can change the way we view it.